DEAR DEIDRE: I LET down my lover by choosing to stay with my long-term partner.
Now he says he has cancer and it’s due to the stress I have caused him.
He is 53, I’m 50 and we were together for just over a year.
We met at the gym and soon started confiding in each other about our failing relationships.
We would go for a drink after our workout and found solace in each other.
The sex was intense and I really felt a strong connection to him.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
We spent months sneaking around, planning our lives together.
But then my partner of 20 years, who is 54, really started making an effort with me.
Previously I had felt completely neglected and overlooked by him.
He even took me away for a wonderful weekend and I began to remember all the good things about him, like his love of nature and his kindness.
I knew on that weekend I would stay and make the most of the relationship.
My decision did not go down well with my lover, but initially he said he respected it.
That was until he started to harass me with text messages.
He begged me to give him a second chance, and although I turned him down each time, the messages kept coming.
I eventually blocked him and cut off contact. I hadn’t heard from him for months until I got a phone call from an unknown number.
It was him. He told me he’d been diagnosed with cancer and it was all my fault.
He said the stress I’d caused him had affected his health.
I know I’m not to blame, but I feel awful and can’t stop thinking of it.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEAR DEIDRE
My love rat husband can’t handle the new me
DEIDRE'S STORIES
Oliver's girlfriend is concerned about his gambling habits
DEIDRE SAYS: You aren’t to blame for this. It’s not surprising it upset you.
This man is hurting after your break-up and no doubt his long-term relationship is floundering.
That, along with his health issues, will leave him feeling that his life is spiralling out of control.
He is lashing out at you because he wants to make you feel guilty.
It would be best not to entertain him.
He clearly wants some kind of reaction and it’s better to take a step back.
My support pack Feeling Guilty will help.
While you understandably feel bad, as you once cared for him deeply, the reality is there is nothing you can do to help him.
Instead, focus on your marriage and moving forward.
Most read in Dear Deidre
DEAR DEIDRE
I broke my ex-lover’s heart, now he blames his life-threatening diagnosis on me
WORK WOES
My girlfriend can’t keep a job and it’s ruining our relationship
THREE WAYS
My biggest sexual fantasy is a threesome but girlfriend won’t consider it
CARRYING ON
I wake up every day fearing my husband will stray because of his past
Pictures posed by models.
Source: Read Full Article