{"id":239455,"date":"2023-10-25T22:42:51","date_gmt":"2023-10-25T22:42:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/?p=239455"},"modified":"2023-10-25T22:42:51","modified_gmt":"2023-10-25T22:42:51","slug":"clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/","title":{"rendered":"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<h1>CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage. Something so common must NOT be taboo<\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>This week, UK writer Clare Foges shares her praise for Rebecca Adlington\u00a0<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>READ MORE:\u00a0Rebecca Adlington says she felt &#8216;really responsible&#8217; for her tragic miscarriage<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>As babies grow under your heart they grow into it, too. The news that Olympian Rebecca Adlington lost her baby at 20 weeks is desperately sad. Five months is a long time when you&#8217;re pregnant; time enough to envisage the future, to plan, to involve others in the excitement.<\/p>\n<p>A picture posted by Adlington just weeks ago shows her two older children kissing her bump. How cruel life can be.<\/p>\n<p>Whenever a woman in the public eye announces that she has lost a baby in pregnancy there is always an outpouring of sympathy.<\/p>\n<p>But beneath this kind chorus there are usually some quiet mutterings: &#8216;Isn&#8217;t anything private any more?&#8217; &#8216;It&#8217;s sad, but why do we need to know?&#8217; Skimming through comments online after Adlington&#8217;s announcement, I found several versions of the above.<\/p>\n<p>In this case, Adlington made it clear that she is letting people know because she had already announced the pregnancy. But even if she hadn&#8217;t, what&#8217;s wrong with women making the news of their loss public? Why should we feel the need to throw a hush-hush blanket over such things?<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i.dailymail.co.uk\/1s\/2023\/10\/25\/20\/76999583-12672011-image-a-32_1698262695324.jpg\" height=\"427\" width=\"634\"><\/p>\n<p>This week, UK writer Clare Foges shares her praise for Rebecca Adlington and discusses the grief of miscarriage. Stock image used<\/p>\n<p>When someone announces they are battling cancer, for example, no one says: &#8216;But why do we need to know?&#8217; If they make their divorce public, there aren&#8217;t cries of &#8216;is nothing sacred any more?&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>So what is the issue with making miscarriage public? Could it be that it involves women&#8217;s bodies and women&#8217;s health, which have been riddled with taboo for centuries? Is it a hangover from the old expectation that women are delicate vessels, whose dignity will be compromised if we are outed as flesh-and-blood beings?<\/p>\n<p>Though many women have spoken out in recent years about pregnancy loss \u2014 from Myleene Klass to the Duchess of Sussex \u2014 there persists the view that some things shouldn&#8217;t be spoken about.<\/p>\n<p>That view lies behind the so-called 12-week rule, which decrees that it&#8217;s best not to tell anyone you&#8217;re pregnant until you&#8217;re three months in. Because of this, women go to great lengths to hide early pregnancy, insisting we&#8217;re just &#8216;a bit run-down&#8217;, flushing the loos at work so people don&#8217;t hear us throwing up, pretending we&#8217;re drinking gin and tonic when it&#8217;s really sparkling water with a slice of lemon.<\/p>\n<p>And why? Because one in four pregnant women miscarry in the first trimester. After this, the risk of miscarriage declines, and with it the &#8216;risk&#8217; that you will have to tell people about your loss.<\/p>\n<p>But is it really a risk? If women would rather not tell anyone because they can&#8217;t face &#8216;un-telling&#8217; them, I understand that. For some, it&#8217;s easier to grieve quietly. But I also think the 12-week rule sends a strange message. It says that if miscarriage happens in that first 12 weeks, it&#8217;s better that no one knows. It frames it as something embarrassing, as though fault and blame are involved.<\/p>\n<p>When I discovered I was pregnant with my fourth child last spring, I told family and friends almost immediately. A couple of weeks later I was driving to a private scan clinic, singing along to the radio, excited to see that little six-week-old dot on the sonographer&#8217;s screen. Within ten seconds I knew something was wrong. The sonographer squinted at the screen. &#8216;Could you have got your dates wrong?&#8217; she asked gently. The foetus was measuring a week too small. No heartbeat. At another scan a week later, a heartbeat was heard \u2014 the loveliest sound ever \u2014 but still the foetus wasn&#8217;t growing properly. By eight weeks, the baby was lost.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i.dailymail.co.uk\/1s\/2023\/10\/25\/20\/76999927-12672011-image-m-35_1698263209386.jpg\" height=\"904\" width=\"634\"><\/p>\n<p>Clare Foges, pictured, says: &#8216;Whenever a woman in the public eye announces that she has lost a baby in pregnancy there is always an outpouring of sympathy. But beneath this kind chorus there are usually some quiet mutterings&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>Did I regret telling people so early? No. Far from it. I was keen to talk about what had happened. Keeping it to myself would have felt like an unbearable weight; loneliness compounding the grief.<\/p>\n<p>What also helped was knowing how common this experience is \u2014 not only through dry statistics but through stories shared by women in the public eye. Reflecting on her miscarriage in the 1990s, Michelle Obama said: &#8216;I felt lost and alone, and I felt like I failed. Because I didn&#8217;t know how common miscarriages are&#8230; We don&#8217;t talk about it. We sit in our own pain, thinking that somehow we&#8217;re broken.&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>Since that time \u2014 and particularly in the last few years \u2014 many women have told their stories and helped other women (and men) feel a little less alone. That&#8217;s one clear benefit of sharing. Another is to keep breaking down the taboos and secrecy around women&#8217;s bodies, which lead to legitimate health concerns being minimised or swept under the carpet.<\/p>\n<p>Yet there is a discomfort around the subject. Let&#8217;s not talk about women&#8217;s health. It&#8217;s too bodily, too bloody, too raw&#8230; Well, it&#8217;s too important not to talk about.<\/p>\n<p>The truth is that if you&#8217;re going through the awfulness of pregnancy loss, there&#8217;s no right or wrong thing to do. You shouldn&#8217;t feel a pressure to share your news for the benefit of the sisterhood \u2014 but nor should you feel you must keep it quiet, if letting some light in on the anguish helps.<\/p>\n<p><span>Cornwall&#8217;s lucky to have Cate!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i.dailymail.co.uk\/1s\/2023\/10\/25\/20\/76999569-12672011-Newest_owner_Cate_Blanchett_is_irritating_locals_with_her_house_-a-44_1698263289129.jpg\" height=\"951\" width=\"634\"><\/p>\n<p>Newest owner Cate Blanchett is irritating locals with her house renovations, the &#8216;non-stop drilling and banging&#8230; making their lives hell&#8217;<\/p>\n<p>Mawgan Porth is the Cornish village dubbed Hollywood-on-Sea thanks to the stars who are said to own homes there, including actors Jason Statham and Jamie Dornan. Newest owner Cate Blanchett is irritating locals with her house renovations, the &#8216;non-stop drilling and banging&#8230; making their lives hell&#8217;. Really? It&#8217;s a building site, not a library. She&#8217;s providing work for tradesmen, and this influx of celebrities can&#8217;t be hurting house prices. The locals should be thanking their lucky stars, not moaning them out of town.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span>Experts at Glasgow University suggest beating the seasonal blues by writing a letter to winter. I&#8217;ve got a better idea: write to ministers asking them to stop the clocks going back this Sunday. This would surely be the best thing for our spirits.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>Godmother who came back as a bird<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i.dailymail.co.uk\/1s\/2023\/10\/25\/22\/77005239-12672011-Chloe_Lattanzi_daughter_of_the_late_Olivia_Newton_John_has_revea-a-58_1698270671823.jpg\" height=\"866\" width=\"634\"><\/p>\n<p>Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of the late Olivia Newton-John, has revealed that an owl regularly perches on her windowsill<\/p>\n<p>Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of the late Olivia Newton-John, has revealed that an owl regularly perches on her windowsill. &#8216;I think it&#8217;s my mum&#8217;s spirit,&#8217; she says.<\/p>\n<p>My late godmother once gave me a box in the shape of a kingfisher, inlaid with turquoise stones. Thirty years later, the day after she died, I was walking by a river near her home.<\/p>\n<p>There, for the first and only time in my life, I saw a kingfisher, with its turquoise feathers. A coincidence? Perhaps, but I prefer to think of it as a comfort from the other side.<\/p>\n<p><span>How I hate the horror of Halloween<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/i.dailymail.co.uk\/1s\/2023\/10\/25\/22\/77005237-12672011-A_priest_in_Poland_has_been_caught_destroying_a_load_of_pumpkins-a-59_1698270691239.jpg\" height=\"423\" width=\"634\"><\/p>\n<p>A priest in Poland has been caught destroying a load of pumpkins left outside his church because, he says, Halloween is &#8216;a satanic feast&#8217;. Stock image used<\/p>\n<p>A priest in Poland has been caught destroying a load of pumpkins left outside his church because, he says, Halloween is &#8216;a satanic feast&#8217;. I wouldn&#8217;t go that far, but isn&#8217;t it odd how skeletons and blood-spattered eyeballs have become kid-friendly decorations? Isn&#8217;t it strange how children are dressed as grim reapers and no-one bats an eyelid? And the greatest horror of all: pumpkin spiced lattes in the coffee shops. Yuck. Roll on the best autumn festival of all: Bonfire Night.<\/p>\n<p><span>For fashionistas the real Halloween horror is the Crocs cowboy boot. I&#8217;m tempted to order a pair. Yes, they&#8217;re hideous: rubbery, shiny, wide and flat. But Crocs are like feather beds for the feet. In the battle of comfort versus style, comfort always wins.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Source: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailymail.co.uk\/femail\/article-12672011\/CLARE-FOGES-Rebecca-right-share-grief-miscarriage-common-NOT-taboo.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Read Full Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage. Something so common must NOT be taboo This week, UK writer Clare Foges shares her praise for Rebecca Adlington\u00a0 READ&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":239454,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.8 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage - lovemainstream.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage - lovemainstream.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage. Something so common must NOT be taboo This week, UK writer Clare Foges shares her praise for Rebecca Adlington\u00a0 READ&hellip;\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"lovemainstream.com\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-10-25T22:42:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"mediabest\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image\" content=\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/CLARE-FOGES-Rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"mediabest\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/\",\"name\":\"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage - lovemainstream.com\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2023-10-25T22:42:51+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-10-25T22:42:51+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#\/schema\/person\/abc9aeefdadf991087d66599cfc40c8d\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Lifestyle\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/category\/lifestyle\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":3,\"name\":\"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/\",\"name\":\"lovemainstream.com\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#\/schema\/person\/abc9aeefdadf991087d66599cfc40c8d\",\"name\":\"mediabest\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/38da2a5c83e5b947af91e83c833be9d1?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/38da2a5c83e5b947af91e83c833be9d1?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"mediabest\"}}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage - lovemainstream.com","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage - lovemainstream.com","og_description":"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage. Something so common must NOT be taboo This week, UK writer Clare Foges shares her praise for Rebecca Adlington\u00a0 READ&hellip;","og_url":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/","og_site_name":"lovemainstream.com","article_published_time":"2023-10-25T22:42:51+00:00","author":"mediabest","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_image":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/CLARE-FOGES-Rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage.jpg","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"mediabest","Est. reading time":"7 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/","url":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/","name":"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage - lovemainstream.com","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#website"},"datePublished":"2023-10-25T22:42:51+00:00","dateModified":"2023-10-25T22:42:51+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#\/schema\/person\/abc9aeefdadf991087d66599cfc40c8d"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/lifestyle\/clare-foges-rebecca-is-right-to-share-the-grief-of-miscarriage\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Lifestyle","item":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/category\/lifestyle\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"CLARE FOGES:\u00a0Rebecca is right to share the grief of miscarriage"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/","name":"lovemainstream.com","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#\/schema\/person\/abc9aeefdadf991087d66599cfc40c8d","name":"mediabest","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/38da2a5c83e5b947af91e83c833be9d1?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/38da2a5c83e5b947af91e83c833be9d1?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"mediabest"}}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239455"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=239455"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239455\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":239456,"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239455\/revisions\/239456"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/239454"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=239455"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=239455"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lovemainstream.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=239455"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}